Learning how to love
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:12-13 NIV
Matthew
My family was not really religious, and Islam did not interest me when I was growing up. However, as my mother got older, perhaps conscience and a sense of sin – or apprehension of death – caused her to begin to observe Islamic practices more faithfully. She was probably thinking about her destiny and wanted to be sure that she was in a right position before God. She started to wear the hijab even within our home in front of other men like my uncle.
As a teenager, something made me determined to travel abroad as soon as I could and to start a new life for myself outside Iran. Consequently, I made plans to complete my two years of compulsory military service early in order to then travel abroad. I obtained illegal documents to join the military at the age of seventeen. The military routine included daily early morning awakenings for prayer and the observance of Islamic rituals and fasting at Ramadan. The experience of this period gave me a strong distaste for religion as I did not like the feeling of being forced into religious activity.
Once I had completed my service, I could not immediately see the way forward for travel. I began my working life as a graphic designer, and I also began to read a lot in my free time. I would devour book after book. I got to know all the religions of the world, reading in particular about Buddhism and Hinduism.
In my twenties, I suddenly began to have some serious health problems. One of my legs became very red, swollen and painful. At first there seemed to be nothing that the doctors could do to help me, and I spent some time in hospital. A friend came to visit me when I was back at home. He knew that I did not respect the Islamic faith, so he told me openly that he was a Christian and that he attended a secret house church. He said that he would like to pray with me and that he would continue to pray for me. He gave me a small red book, which was a New Testament, and he said that I should read it. This was not a problem for me, as one who was always keen to read anything new, and so I began to read the Bible.
Soon after, I was seen by a new doctor who was able to give me a diagnosis and to start a really effective treatment for my problem. My friend’s prayers seemed to have worked. Nevertheless, I put the Bible aside and forgot about it for nearly eight years.
I would say that at that time I was agnostic. I used to argue with friends and colleagues about religion, questioning why they believed in Islam and followed its teachings. My job involved mixing with celebrities and going to a lot of private parties where alcohol and drugs were consumed in large quantities. It was not a lifestyle or environment that promoted serious thinking, and yet I was hungry for truth and meaning. I was thinking a lot about life, and I felt that there must be a better way to live.
I started to make a film about a boy who was trying to find Jesus. Of course, I was not a Christian at that time, and my intention was to focus on the problems with the Iranian government. Yet it was because of this film that I got into trouble with the authorities and had to flee the country, leaving behind everything, including Afsaneh, the girl I had met and wanted to marry. I made my way eventually to the UK.
Afsaneh
Like Matthew, I was born into a family in Tehran that was not very religious. When Matthew fled to the UK, I was left with almost no family and nowhere to live, so I also left Iran with a friend and got as far as Istanbul. I found life in Turkey very difficult because I did not know the language and had no contacts there. I was constantly afraid and uneasy about my situation.
I had also explored other religions and philosophies and had been particularly interested in the Law of Attraction. This philosophy teaches that you can attract into your life anything you want, including love, wealth or vitality – by the power of positive thinking. Like Matthew, however, I felt unfulfilled. I was also becoming aware that I was a selfish person, interested only in my close friends and family and without any love or care for anyone outside that circle.
Matthew
I was first sent to a small hotel where refugees were accommodated while waiting for housing to become available. It was there that I heard talk about two churches that a lot of Iranians attended while seeking asylum. I was told that in one of the churches it was very easy to get letters and help with your asylum application. The church leaders were willing to baptise you and to attend court hearings without asking too many questions. In the other church it was another matter. There, you had to show that you were really Christian if you wanted to get help. There was an Iranian church worker who did not like pretense and would try to make sure that you were coming to church because you were really interested in reading the Bible and finding out more about Jesus. I decided to go to the latter. I felt that my case was strong, and I had all the evidence I needed for my application without needing to be dishonest. I wanted to be taught, and I really wanted to find out more about Jesus by this time, like the boy in my film.
As I attended the church week by week, I found that the message I was hearing in the sermons really drew me in. The pastor spoke about a faith that is given to us by God Himself. I would still argue, however, with the Iranian church worker about some things, and I felt very self-righteous. I used to sit looking around at some of the other Iranians on Sunday mornings and notice the smell of cigarette smoke and their scruffy attire, and I felt myself to be so superior. In fact, I was just like the Pharisees, the religious leaders of Jesus’s time, thanking God that I was not like the sinners I saw around me.
I was beginning to feel at home in the city and in the church, and yet I kept hearing of Iranian acquaintances being moved on to other places. I prayed to God to allow me to stay where I was because I really wanted to continue to attend the church and to learn more. God answered my prayers in a very clear way: I was placed in a house a mere five minutes’ walk away from the church. I recognised that God had heard and answered me and I was truly grateful for this.
I continued to behave and think like a Pharisee in my new home. I saw that the other refugees placed there used to spend all their allowance on cigarettes and drugs, while I was spending all of mine on cleaning products in an attempt to keep our living conditions in a decent state. When one of my housemates left the bathroom in a mess, I would knock on their door and speak angrily to them, telling them that I could not possibly use it in that condition without getting ill.
One day as I sat in the church listening to the sermon, I suddenly became painfully aware of this judgmental and arrogant attitude that I had been holding on to, and I felt overwhelmed by my own sin. I understood that I was just like a Pharisee because while I loved myself and my own close family, I had no care for anyone else. I was not living like Jesus wanted me to, and I prayed that He would show Himself to me.
I was overcome by emotion and returned home as soon as the service had ended to be alone and to come before God. In a simple and desperate way I prayed, “God, I don’t want to speak to you. I need to speak directly to Jesus.” I pleaded with Jesus to show Himself to me. In Iranian culture, it is a practice to open certain books of poetry at random, like those of Hafez, when you want guidance. I know that this is not a good thing for a Christian to make a habit of doing, but on that day I asked God to speak clearly and directly to me and I opened His word expectantly. The verse I found myself looking at was 1 Corinthians 15:20:
But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.
1 Corinthians 15:20 NKJV
As I read this verse, I knew without any doubt that God was confirming to me what I already knew in my heart – that my salvation could only be through Jesus who had died to pay the price for all my sinful attitudes and wrong deeds, and had risen again as conqueror. It was only through Him that I could bring my broken life before God and ask for forgiveness. I understood that God had to come Himself as a man. Jesus lived on this earth and walked among other men and women. He suffered as we suffer and He was tempted by the devil, yet He lived a life of perfect obedience to His Father. Finally, He gave His life for sinful human beings and died an agonising death in our place. He was separated from His Father, yet He rose again from the dead. Because of this, we too can be raised to new life. I had searched and investigated other religions and found them all to be empty. Only Jesus told me who I really was – a desperate sinner with no hope in myself.
As this clear understanding filled my mind and heart, I began to cry and to call out to God for an assurance that I was accepted and forgiven. I told God I needed to know for certain that I was cleansed from all the guilt of my past life. I do not know how long I was praying and crying like this, but I became aware of someone touching me first on one shoulder, and then on the other. The presence was so real and tangible that my tears turned to joy and peace. Even now, when I think back to that day, I am overwhelmed at the memory of that calm reality of Jesus standing next to me. As I felt that touch, it also seemed as though a huge and heavy burden on my back was lifted and taken away.
Afsaneh
When Matthew encountered Jesus, he called me in Turkey. He told me how much he had been moved at the realisation of his own sin and failures. He told me that I should try to find a Bible in Farsi and to read it. My friend and I found a Farsi Bible in the bookshop of a Catholic church, and I began to read from the beginning. I could not understand much of what I was reading, but I was in constant touch with Matthew and he would suggest passages and explain them to me. Gradually light began to dawn on my soul, and I understood that salvation can only come by faith in Jesus. Matthew told me that I should read the confession of faith at the back of the Bible as a prayer to offer my life to Jesus.
Matthew
Over the following months, I began to see changes in my life. I was now living not just for myself, but could show the love of Christ to others and live for Him. I was baptised in the church in the summer, but after I received my leave to remain in the UK, I had to make a decision about where to live. I had a brother living in the north of England and he was a single father. His daughter had lived with our family for some time, so I also knew her well, and I felt that I should go to be with them. Some people at the church urged me to stay, and I was sorry to leave good friends behind, but I believed it was the right decision.
In my new home I found a small church and quickly settled there and made new friends. A big concern of mine was how I could bring my fiancée to join me in the UK. Although we were not married, Afsaneh and I had been living together in Iran, so when I got into trouble, she had to flee also. I had travelled alone to the UK, hoping that she would be able to get there too, but she had got only as far as Turkey. We had remained in frequent contact, and she too had become a Christian. Now, I was afraid that we would not be reunited. We planned to marry, but as she was not already my wife, I knew it would not be easy to get permission for her to come.
My prayers were answered when I met an Iranian solicitor who was also a Christian. He sympathised with our situation, and worked hard for us so that within a few months the legal documents were prepared and Afsaneh was able to travel to be with me. Our church helped us to prepare for our wedding, and we were married and able to start our new life as a Christian couple.
Afsaneh
Joining Matthew in the UK was not straightforward, but Matthew’s solicitor managed to arrange things and also offered me a job as a PA just a few months after I arrived. We both praise God for the way that He led first Matthew and then me to our new home and for His amazing provision for us both. We praise God for the way that He has led us, saved us, and blessed us, and that we can now serve Him together as husband and wife.
Matthew
To complete my new identity as a follower of Jesus, I changed my name legally to Matthew. My original name was Mohammad, but now I am a follower of Christ, like Matthew the tax collector, who left everything behind to go with Jesus. When the Pharisees saw Jesus at the party that Matthew organized, and complained that He was eating with tax collectors and sinners, Jesus told them,
“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5:31-32 NKJV
I am thankful that He showed me my sin and called me to repentance and new life!
Persian Voices 